My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
