sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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