Someone shit on the floor
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
