Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
