You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
