i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
