You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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