White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
