Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
