areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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