I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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