I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
