I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
