i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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