My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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