i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
