I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I look better un-naked...
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
