This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
