Whod you bang
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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