I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
