So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
