I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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