I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
This house was built for laser tag.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
