I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
