i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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