I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
