i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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