chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
