so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
