Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
