I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
