hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
