Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
one might say we're banned from that church
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
