I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
