Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
