In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
