my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Randomize
