Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
