I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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