how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
