Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
