It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
