I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
