we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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