Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I love you. Go after that dick
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
