burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across