i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.