why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
