Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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