saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
