I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
