o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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