Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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