the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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