I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
