evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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