I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
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