i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
