i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
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