he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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