I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
