Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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