bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I need moral support for this bender
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
