So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
