I'd wear matching sweaters with you
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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