His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
