lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
