Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
