I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize