I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
