This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
