so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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