he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
