When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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