I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
