There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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