My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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