Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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