was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
