what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Someone shit on the floor
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
