I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
