What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
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he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
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